This process usually occurs through coming out (CO) whereby and individual claims their non-heterosexuality, politically or personally. In the Global North and in some former colonized countries, the disclosure and recognition of one’s sexual identity for non-heterosexual individuals has historically been significant in shaping their identity ( Brownfield et al., 2018). Findings show that there are vastly divergent perspectives, with some participants believing it remains essential, while others argue that the fluidity of their identities no longer requires the same sort of disclosure. Using a narrative life-history approach through interviews with a sample of eight participants from the study, this paper looks at how bisexual women understand the significance of coming out and how this process has different meanings for different age groups. From a PhD study conducted in Johannesburg with 23 self-identifying bisexual women, this paper critically considers the different perspectives on coming out of bisexual women. However, the significance and necessity of coming out itself has come to be questioned, particularly by younger LGBTQI + people. In the general knowledge field of sexual identity, bisexuality continues to be a misunderstood, under-researched sexual identity, and from that negative stigmas and discrimination (even within LGBTQI + spaces) have contributed to bisexuals not coming out even within the LGBTQI + community. For those who identify as bisexual, the process of coming out has proven especially complicated. Department of Sociology, University of Witwatersrand, Johannesburg, South AfricaĬoming out has historically been an important yet often very challenging process for LGBTQI + individuals to no longer conceal their sexual and/or gender identity.
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Me: And to us, straight people seem weird. Me: Well, that’s exactly the way I feel when I think of a guy and a girl “doing it” together. You: It really grosses me out thinking about two guys “doing it” with each other. Me: Well, it works that way for most people, but not if you’re gay. You: It’s gross! Guys “doing it” with guys! You are supposed to “do it” with girls. You are going to keep on tormenting me, and you are not going to have respect either for me or for gay people in general.
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You: Well, if that’s what makes you happy… You: Well, maybe the program in my church is better. Me: I went to a program like that for a whole year. In my church, they run this program that turns gay people straight. You: I think you should still try anyway. I just had to become cool with the fact that I’m gay, and then I became happier. Me: Dude, it’s nice that you care so much about me, but believe me, I went out with the “right” girls. You: Maybe you didn’t go out with the right girl. I figured, if I go out with enough girls, I’d learn to be attracted to them. You: Well, it’s not too late! You can still choose to become straight. How am I going to live a normal life? And how am I going to tell my parents?” What am I going to do? People are going to hate me. When I first realized I was gay, I thought, “Oh, no. They treat you like a freak and tell you you’re going to hell. Me: Oh, it’s a bummer! People hate you just for what you are.
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If it were a choice, do you think I would have chosen to be gay? You know how tough it is to be gay?
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You never had to ask yourself, “Should I be straight, or should I be gay? I think I’ll be straight!” Well, you know what, I never chose, either. Me: Do you remember choosing to be straight? Me: If God didn’t want there to be gays, why did he make me gay? You: Because the Bible says “Adam and Eve,” not, “Adam and Steve.” Me: Why do you think it is so terrible to be gay? You: You know, you are going to burn in hell! This time I’ll give you Freedom of Speech and treat you like a friend. Again, this goes nowhere except endless hostility.